Certainly, nobody wants a “No”
answer. Especially when it is coming from the one you care about. Rejection is
really difficult to accept. Usually, being the one to be rejected is painful.
However, to be the person to reject another person probably hurts more. You
know it hurts because we have a natural feeling of compassion to our fellowmen
and not necessarily because you have experienced it.
They say it is better to be the
one saying “No” than to be the one who’s being told. It is quite understandable
if you don’t choose the latter. After all, no one wants to bear the burden of
getting rejected. But you might have overlooked the predicament of the other
side of the coin – the difficulty of saying “No”.
Why is it difficult to say such
two-letter word in the first place?
The first reason could be because
we don’t want to be viewed negatively as we have the human tendency to please other
people. We feel good if others think good of us. We don’t want others to think
we are harsh or cruel. So as much as possible, we want to avoid refusals that
may appear to be ruthless to others.
Second, we simply don’t want the
other party get hurt because of our own preferences. If the other party isn’t
pleased with your choice of rejecting him or her, he or she is likely to get
hurt. And because you are humane enough, wounding someone else’s feeling is not
something you’d like to carry to guilt. So you’d rather keep mum and be less
evil than release your sour “no”.
The third reason springs from our
being mindful of the clichés, “Do not do unto others what you don’t want others
do unto you.” and “What you sow is what you will reap.” We certainly do not
want to reap the bad consequences of our choice. You are simply fearful of the
outcome after you have uttered “no” to something or someone. The truth is you are afraid that any misdeed
you did to a person might also happen to you.
The last reason could be because such
expression is not really what you intended to say. It is pretty hard to go
against your natural feelings. As much as you want to follow your instinct and
say “yes”, but maybe, due to your personal circumstance or reasons, you prefer
to say otherwise. There is the agony of depriving yourself of your own freedom
to choose and do as you wish. It’s really hard to say what you don’t mean and
do what you don’t want.
There might be one or two reasons
from the above-mentioned that could be the same as yours or maybe you have your
own reasons in mind. The bottom line is there’s always a difficulty in negativity.
Any difficulty is burdensome at one point or another. It just so happen that
saying “no” is a difficulty. So, all you got to do is to deal with it in a
manner that favors you.
Also: http://weekend.sunstar.com.ph/blog/2014/01/10/difficulty-saying/
