The Difficulty of Saying "No"

Certainly, nobody wants a “No” answer. Especially when it is coming from the one you care about. Rejection is really difficult to accept. Usually, being the one to be rejected is painful. However, to be the person to reject another person probably hurts more. You know it hurts because we have a natural feeling of compassion to our fellowmen and not necessarily because you have experienced it.  

They say it is better to be the one saying “No” than to be the one who’s being told. It is quite understandable if you don’t choose the latter. After all, no one wants to bear the burden of getting rejected. But you might have overlooked the predicament of the other side of the coin – the difficulty of saying “No”.

Why is it difficult to say such two-letter word in the first place?

The first reason could be because we don’t want to be viewed negatively as we have the human tendency to please other people. We feel good if others think good of us. We don’t want others to think we are harsh or cruel. So as much as possible, we want to avoid refusals that may appear to be ruthless to others.

Second, we simply don’t want the other party get hurt because of our own preferences. If the other party isn’t pleased with your choice of rejecting him or her, he or she is likely to get hurt. And because you are humane enough, wounding someone else’s feeling is not something you’d like to carry to guilt. So you’d rather keep mum and be less evil than release your sour “no”.

The third reason springs from our being mindful of the clichés, “Do not do unto others what you don’t want others do unto you.” and “What you sow is what you will reap.” We certainly do not want to reap the bad consequences of our choice. You are simply fearful of the outcome after you have uttered “no” to something or someone.  The truth is you are afraid that any misdeed you did to a person might also happen to you.

The last reason could be because such expression is not really what you intended to say. It is pretty hard to go against your natural feelings. As much as you want to follow your instinct and say “yes”, but maybe, due to your personal circumstance or reasons, you prefer to say otherwise. There is the agony of depriving yourself of your own freedom to choose and do as you wish. It’s really hard to say what you don’t mean and do what you don’t want.

There might be one or two reasons from the above-mentioned that could be the same as yours or maybe you have your own reasons in mind. The bottom line is there’s always a difficulty in negativity. Any difficulty is burdensome at one point or another. It just so happen that saying “no” is a difficulty. So, all you got to do is to deal with it in a manner that favors you.

 Photo Credits: Google


Published on Sunstar Cebu | January 10, 2014
Also: http://weekend.sunstar.com.ph/blog/2014/01/10/difficulty-saying/

Is it really over?

     

Each day, you are awakened by his wake up call, and lovingly, you are asked what you want for breakfast. He’ll fetch you from your workplace and drive you home after those romantic dinner dates. Then, he’ll check if you’re already home and ends the night with words of love. But all of a sudden you wake up one day when all the sweetness turned sour. Then, you’ll realize that your being special to someone is gone. All those gestures of love are over.

Inasmuch as you want to end well what started well, what if your own fairy tale doesn't have its happy ending? Will you end up okay or broken into pieces? If you end up the latter, it’s about time to pick yourself up.

Make yourself busy

What keeps you haunted by sad memories is the fact that your mind is focused on what ‘just happened’. After the breakup, there’s a tendency that your emotions are centered on the pain that you are going through. Then, you feel rejected and worst, you lose your self-esteem. Hence, make yourself busy on doing the things that you like. Enhancing your talents and learning some skills are the best ways to not allow loneliness get in the way of your self-improvement and rediscovery.

Focus on your assets

Rather than dwelling on the feelings of rejection after a painful breakup, why not sit back, relax, and think about what you've got as a person. No one knows more about you but yourself. Think of some talents and positive qualities that you possess. Recognize your assets and focus on them. By so doing, you will have the confidence that you need to break free from negative feelings.

The pain of breaking up can give you emotional stress. Hurting is the product of an unfulfilled expectation. If you cannot avoid it, then at least you can set it aside from your focus in life. Make sure that you are the one in control of your emotions. Pray for the strength you need. Save yourself from total despair and protect your well-being by learning from that mistake. After all, there are a number of reasons to be a happier person. Make yourself one! 

Photo Credits: Google

Status: Single

When not lawfully wedded to a partner, technically, you are single. But this isn't what the general embraces. Singleness also comes when you do not have a special someone, which happens to be the accepted notion of the modern mob.

Though being single is a heck for some, it is in a way big deal for most. It is indeed an effort for widowed, a crisis for the aloof, a struggle for the broken-hearted, and a curse for a spinster. Whatever is its impact on people and whatever plight it takes one to, it is indisputably a fact for those who fall into such category. And definitely this isn’t only among single ladies, but bachelors, too.

Hypothetically, bachelors outnumber single women, which is again possibly the reason behind the agony. 

Is singleness really something to be afraid of? 

For hopeless, maybe. However, to assert that it is for most people is unholy. 

There are a number of women in their early and late 30s who remain single despite subtle criticisms they may haven’t known. They are single not just in terms of being unmarried, they haven’t had any boyfriends at all. And what really makes them astounding is that they never planned to have one unless “he” makes a good partner. 

Somehow, there are also teenagers who feel hesitant to have one because of the strong “No no” from their parents. And there are those who also do not bother to find one even if they are apt to it for they yet do not feel inclined and are unready to move their life to the next level.

As we take a closer look at these people, not likely can we say that they are afraid to be single.

Whether or not it is a frightening status is not actually what we should focus on. There is nothing better than considering the brighter side.

What are the advantages of being single?

For those with little resources, it is cheaper. For busy people, it is time-saving. For the career-oriented, it is a geat time.

True, a lot of people find singleness as a better course as of the moment while you are still making the best out of your life. Some have also conquered that when they are single, they are able to live their life to the fullest. Others even confess they are happier when they are single.

        

                          

If you classify yourself as one and you never have had really felt better, never assume you are defeated.

Acceptance is in any way a decision. When you feel deprived finding out you are alone when everybody is holding someone’s hand, do not feel bad. Be positive instead, knowing that one of your senses functions well, and that you are normal after all.

Never be cynical nor give in to becoming weary. Just as others are making the best out of what they have, then, it is also wise to be thankful of what you are for the mean time. When you found out that many are regretful to have resorted to a serious commitment they are not ready yet and when you realized that many your age would have lived a better life had they not given up their freedom too early, perhaps, you would learn to count your blessings.

Anyway, the last say is always yours. If you think you are in the right track of decision-making, sleep on it, ponder on. You never would have wanted to settle for anything less! 

Photo Credits: Google

Published on Sunstar Cebu | February 12, 2011 
Also:  http://www.sunstar.com.ph/weekend-cebu/status-single